Maybe this is where I’ve been going wrong. I don’t mean how I’m having sex – I’m good at that, I have it on good authority. But perhaps who I’m having it with.
I have reached the conclusion that if a person has a penis, they’re basically going to lie to you or bend the truth to such extremes that you’re gonna end up doubting every word that leaves their mouths.
Now, generally my bi-dar is pretty good. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as making eye contact with a girl and realising, “Yeah, she’s interested.” A super hot girl flirted with me the other day. I was out of my comfort zone – I was not expecting it; I didn’t even have any make up on. A girl needs a little notice! God damn!
However, there is something that is so much more satisfying about being hit on by a girl. Men will generally hit on anything with a pulse; it’s not a big deal (although this evening when a guy called me beautiful it did make me smile just a little – I’m a girl, we’re a sucker for a compliment!) But when a girl flirts with you, it’s beyond hot; it’s the whole forbidden fruit thing. Someone says “Don’t Touch!” I’m gonna grab.
Girls just seem to have the art of seduction down better. Plus in my opinion, they’re generally way better at kissing than guys. People really under-rate the importance of a good kiss. It’s the difference between “Take me right here, right now!” and “Did I leave my hair straighteners on?” Maybe it’s all the chapstick but I’ve never had a bad kiss from a girl (I’ve had plenty I’d rather forget from guys.) They’re soft, they’re smooth and they generally have hair that smells amazing. What’s not to love?
So maybe this is where I have been going wrong all these years. Instead of turning down girls to pursue relationships with guys, perhaps I would have had less heartache if I’d just flipped it around?
There’s just one small problem. Girls generally drive me nuts, and not in the good way.
Plus, it’d be a real shame to put my ultimate talent to waste…