I have always felt different. I don’t mean this in a ‘woe is me’ kind of way but more a 2+2=4 kind of way. It’s just how it is. I have never fitted in. That’s not to say that people don’t like me. I’ve always had the ability to relate to people regardless of background or belief. My school years (at school) were happy ones (it was just my home life that led to my adult-life fucked-upedness; that’s a word right?) – my personality meant that although not belonging to a ‘click’ I was able to laugh and joke with the loners, the geeks and the popular kids, as well as the teachers. At college it served me well; I was the weird goth girl with the great sense of humour, who was always game for a laugh.
It was only when I hit adult life that it really started to cause me issues. I have noticed that so often as people ‘grow up’, fall into long-term relationships and have children, their personalities dissipate. Now, I’m sorry if I come across as immature to others but I refused to lose my personality along with the placenta when I gave birth to ‘The Kid’.
What is it about becoming a mum that makes some people so FUCKING dull? I’m sorry but just because becoming a parent is the greatest thing ever; does not mean that your entire conversational ‘gems’ have to be about strollers, breast feeding and Peppa Pig. I mean, come on, yawnsville!!!
Yes, I have a child. Yes, she is my entire world and she comes first. Do I still want to listen to rock music turned up to 11? Yes. Do I still want to go gigging every so often with my friends? Erm, damn right I do! Do I still want to laugh with my friends until I cry? Of course.
As a result, the whole ‘mummy group’ things never really worked out for me. I tried, I really did. I even pretended to give a fuck about bottle sterilisers for what it was worth but it all came to nothing. I have no ‘mummy friends’ that have arisen as a result of having my daughter / attending baby/toddler groups / school mum friends etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t resent the fact. Given the choice, I would much rather hang out with my girls talking about the past, laughing about their dating anecdotes and having fun with people who love and accept who I am and have always been, rather than sit around
talking bitching about whose kid is doing what and how fabulous the new kitchen/extension is. But as a result I suck when put in situations where I have to socialise with ‘mum types.’
My daughter recently hounded me to arrange a play date with her new best friend at school. The required messages were sent via Facebook after she requested me as a friend (Fuck!) and we went along to meet at the local soft play.
I think I need to accept that I am never going to fit in at these types of scenarios. Mum and daughter leapt out of their shiny SUV while ‘The Kid’ and I practically tumbled out of my battered old Ford with a mere 193,000 miles on the clock. ‘Mum’ apologised for the state of herself (she looked immaculate) as she was nursing a raging hangover after a night out on the town with the ‘other mums’. You see it all the time on Facebook – why is it that total dullards who have fuck all to talk about, suddenly think they’re ‘Girls Gone Wild’ if they mention Prosecco or Shiraz in their statuses enough? You’re fucking kidding me right? Drunken chats about the latest Bugaboo? Craaaaaaazy!!!
I don’t know who was more relieved, her or I when the soft-play centre manager kicked all of the kids out due to a couple that were misbehaving and locked the door. The play date lasted exactly 35 minutes. It didn’t feel a minute over 5 hours.
But I love ‘The Kid’ and I don’t want her to feel like the odd one out like I did, so I will continue to set up these damn play-dates. But I’ll damn well expect payback when I’m old and incontinent…