Women. I don’t understand them one little bit. I am a very simple person. Very black and white. If I like you, you’ll know it. If I don’t, I’ll be civil to you but I’m not going to pretend like we’re best friends. Now the thing is, I’m bisexual. I am waaaay more attracted to women than I am to men. You have to be a pretty fucking special guy to grab my attention – and no I’m not just referring to looks. I notice women a LOT. I notice men, rarely.
But my God, women are odd! I don’t understand them one little bit. I hate that you can think someone is great and then you discover the enormous knife they’ve plunged into your back when your attention was diverted. What the fuck? This is why I am predominantly friends with men. I feel safe with men. I feel I can be exactly who I am without being judged, or sized up, or compared. Sure, they’ll occasionally slip into the conversation that they’d really love to fuck me but once they’re aware that’s never gonna happen, all is good and they generally turn out to be a hell of a lot more reliable and trustworthy than the majority of women. Plus they’re insanely protective and as loyal as a person can be, in my experience.
Now I’m sorry if you’re a woman and you’re thinking, “Hold the fuck on here! How dare she – I’m a great person who never bitches or backstabs!” Well if that’s the case then I am truly sorry and I would love to meet you, ha! But in all honesty there are 3 female friends in my life who I hand-on-heart trust. Who I honestly believe wouldn’t stab me in the back, wouldn’t talk about me just for the sake of gossip and who wouldn’t fuck me over given half the chance. You may think I’m a cynical bitch but I speak from experience.
I can tolerate assholes but I need to know they’re assholes. Nothing makes me feel ickier than trusting someone only to find out they’ve got more faces than a highly cut diamond. To say it makes me feel uneasy is an understatement. The problem is, I always think the best of everyone and I like to think that everyone thinks like me. They don’t.
This week I have been royally fucked over but not 1, but 2 women who really need to get over themselves and their insecurities. I’ve never understood those who try to take others down in order to elevate themselves. Particularly when it is done on the sly. As far as they’re aware, I have no idea what they’ve been up to. Believe me I know.
Why are some women just so damn insecure? Take for example the lovely, very attractive receptionist girl I met the other day when I was getting my car MOT’d. Now my car has needed a LOT of work doing over the last month or so, which has required several trips to the garage. There just so happens to be an insanely hot guy who works there (tall, tattooed, ripped, model looks) who is also completely lovely and we’ve hit it off. He has done work on my car unofficially and free of charge and every time I’m there he comes out for his break and we chat about all sorts. During my numerous visits to this garage, I have also become friendly with ‘lovely receptionist’ girl. I’m a friendly, outgoing person generally and we would chat about stuff to help pass the time while this guy fixed my car.
I sat chatting with ‘lovely receptionist’ girl while I did some work on my laptop waiting for my car when ‘Mr Tats’ came in from the servicing area to behind the reception desk. He called me over and continued our earlier ‘non car-related’ conversation from where we had left off. He handed me a piece of paper so that I could write down some information he had asked for. He was leaning over the desk watching me write it down and in a flash ‘super lovely receptionist’ girl turned.
She was next to him in a heartbeat. “What’s that? What are you doing?” I think perhaps ‘lovely receptionist’ girl may have a bit of a thing for ‘Mr Tats.’ She then got as close as she could, without physically draping herself over him (if she was a dog she would have lifted her leg!) It was cringey. Now I know for a fact that they are not together. He has told me all about his current situation. Maybe he’d fucked this girl after a Christmas party once, who knows, but her message was clear, “Back the fuck off!”
Was I flirting with him? No. Was I twirling my hair and fluttering my eyelashes? No. Was I being suggestive in any way, shape or form? No. I was being me. Exactly me. Friendly, chatty and full of banter. Another guy from the garage came out to reception and realised he recognised me and started talking to me too – we finally discovered that he lived in the village I grew up in and even though we were different ages, he recognised me from mutual friends etc. Again, was I flirting with this guy? No. Was I playing the damsel in distress who knows nothing about cars? No. Just being super-sarcastic, taking-the-piss-out-of-myself me.
Super-friendly receptionist suddenly seemed not quite so friendly. The mechanics who I had been talking with disappeared back out onto the forecourt and I was left alone with ‘lovely receptionist’ girl. I paid my bill and then turned back to finish the coffee I’d made, gather up my laptop, bag and folders that I’d had with me – bear in mind, just 5 minutes previous to this, super-friendly receptionist and I had been sharing clothing tips – and called out loudly, “Take care! Thanks for all of your help – have a great day won’t you!” I was met with silence and the face of thunder. What. The. Actual. Fuck?
Now I don’t claim to be God’s gift. Sure I’ve lost a lot of weight and for the first time in my life I don’t sigh with despair every time I look in the mirror. For the first time, I walk with my head up, my shoulders back and my DD boobs out. But am I all that? No.
However, I’ve noticed in recent months that men love a woman who is confident in her own skin and personality.
Women not so much. Jeez.