Sick of being the freak…

Ever wish you could erase your previous communications/conversations with people? I always manage to come off looking like an intense weirdo. But I’m not. I’m really not. But sometimes when I’m happy, my brain works at a millions miles an hour and the words just rush out. My eye for detail and remembering the random stuff can come off to others like I am more ‘invested’ than I am.

Does that make sense?

I drove past a guy I went to school with earlier. At least I thought it was him but knew it was gonna bug me until I knew whether it was. So I sent him a brief message. His first response was friendly and thrilled to see me, asking all about how things are, followed by an almost immediate message thereafter telling me he was just reading back through my old messages and that he would speak to me another time.

Fuck sake.

God only knows what my previous messages said, it has been years since we spoke but judging by his need to shut down the conversation so rapidly, I clearly had said too much, or had come across in a way that I didn’t intend to.


So frequently I find myself being humiliated by my mere existence. Why is it that I just can’t grasp normal interactions without coming off as a freak show. I am the person whose messages remain unread – the sort classified as ‘just pretend we haven’t seen it’ archive.

Is it any wonder that I isolate myself from the outside world?


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