The seemingly never-ending darkness of my mind,
on and on it tumbles,
Onwards I trudge, syrupy thick motions of life
dragging down my limbs with their relentless demands
But a glimmer in the darkness, alights my heart
A flash in the blackness, so bright and clear
A love so bright and indestructible, yet forbidden
For mere moments, the darkness recedes
All at once I can see. The truth, clear as day
And then it is gone, the darkness returns
leaving nothing but a glimmer,
like dying embers, slowly fade to black.
I live for that glimmer, that small burst of light within the dark.
I have to ask myself this… When the fuck did I lose all respect for myself and more importantly, what the hell was I thinking?!?
It’s funny how at certain times in life, you allow things to happen that you would never normally tolerate. Why? This is a question I have been contemplating lately. How is it that the phrase, “Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” actually has substance? Instead of realising how self-obsessed and egocentric a person’s actions are, I instead managed to make myself part of the problem – that I wasn’t good enough for them. That my existence was an inconvenience to them. Say what?!?
Thankfully, I now see the light and I realise just how dumb I was to tolerate the behaviour of certain others – not only to tolerate their behaviour but to accept blame, that their poor treatment of me was somehow my fault! Seriously, what the fuck? This is not me. I don’t allow people to treat me like this but for some reason, 2015 has been a year when I lost my way, I forgot who I was and I forgot my worth.
However, there is no point dwelling on our mistakes. We must merely learn from them and move forwards with our head held high and without a backwards glance…
But this wouldn’t go amiss…